There are times when society fales children. We all know it.
The neighbours of the unfunctional family, friends, maybe relatives, are sometimes (quite often I would say) afraid of sticking their nose into "non of their business", afraid getting into uncomfortable situations them selves, maybe afraid that they've gotten it all wrong (and wouldn't that be embarrassing..?), so they ultimately chooses not to do anything about what they suspect or even see with their own eyes. They talk about it during dinner, gossip about it at the store and at cafés, but do someone actually do something more than that? The answer is no. No one wants to feel blamed.
I had a few strong souls around me as a child. I had my angelic neighbour Monica, always there with a warm, safe embrace. I had my first grade teacher, who actually went home to my mom, putting her against the wall, demanding her to take better care of me (and my sisters). Least but not last, I had my aunt, my mothers younger sister. She is really something, even today it's by far the strongest woman I've ever met. She wouldn't go into direct conflicts with my mother, but she brought me home with her as often as she possibly could, all year around. Only problem was she didn't live in our small town... But though she was far away, her care was always sort of with me anyways.
So I was not all alone in the world. Locked up, beaten up, I went inside my head, knowing that at least there were souls who cared about me. Of course I was angry, I dreamed about that someone would ultimately adopt me, someone that could love me, and care for me. A new mother would be great, but no, I knew that would never happen to me.
I also had my grandfather and his wife (who were as much of a grandmother as my biological granny would have been). They were the ones to whom I escaped from the age of four. They also knew how my mother treated me, but at the same time, they chose to do nothing other than letting me stay with them for a few days every now and then.
Before my granny died, we had a good, long talk about why my mother had been treating me the way she had as I grew up. Her answers were, at first, "Oh, I don't really know why, she is just not healthy minded like a mother should be. Perhaps she would have been better off without any children at all".
I wasn't satisfied with that answer, since she adored and cared for my younger sisters, but in the same sentece made a complete mental mush of me, humiliatingly laughing over my entire presence.
So she gave in a bit. Her inference was that mother was a bit jealous of me. I couldn't believe my ears. "Say what?!" I remember halfly shouting out. But she thought I was nothing, an insect, a nobody, a retard.
"No, she might have said that at times" my granny said. "But the truth is that everyone adored you. And, you were your fathers daughter. You loved your father above all. She couldn't accept that. You were her firstborn. In her mind, you should admire and depent solingly on her. When you turned to your fathers shoulder instead of hers, she took that as a rejection. I think that was what happened. She has always lusted for adoration, from everybody. Maybe she felt abandoned by you, I really don't know. I don't know."
Bam! That hit me right in my soft spot. Although my granny told me not to give that anymore thoughts and energy, I dove into this, for me, new information with my entire soul. Now I know that the old lady was quite on spot with her reflections, she was damn near parts of the truth. I understand what lies beneath all this as well, but I think that was one of the "kick offs" that made my mind start to work differently about my childhood.
Now, as a grownup with four kids of my own, I never ever hesitate to interfere if I get suspicious about children being abused or badly treated. I think that is both a blessing and a curse. I am pretty fearless when it comes to conflicts, not afraid going up against others if I see that they act mean or just plain stupid and hurt others. It's a curse because I always think I could do more to help more children. For some strange reason, any idiot can produce children, although they are not capable of taking good care of them, but not anyone can get a drivers license... You know what I mean here, right?
My wish to all of you is this - Do not be afraid to take action if you see that things are wrong. We are our childrens safety net. Maybe nothing happens, maybe the bad stuff keeps on happening, but the child at least knows (and will remember for the rest of their life) that someone tried to help them. That their well being mattered to someone out there.
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